Eientei WriCom #3 - The Dark Bun Rises!

There are story of 2 rivalries
Who Fight in the whirl of Eternity
From past to present time continuously
And seems continues endlessly

One ,is the Girl name mokou
Who hold the bad grudge
To the who make bad blood
and never gain any chance
Name’s Kaguya princess from far land
Who threat mokou’s homeland
Making mokou very very very angry
And she paid kaguya with eternal tendency
Thus led them into the fight endlessly
May be this is their own destiny

They fight never saw the hope
And never know how to solve
Even two girls never think but pain
And reborn to repeat it again
Until they not feel the pain
Until they lost in vain
Until they never met again
Until that we never know how to end this endless pain

"Come on, move it, you lazy ingrates, or there's gonna be hell to pay and dinner to lose!"

The harsh voice echoed throughout the sweltering chamber, punctuated by the creak of metal wheels. The scarcely maintained wheels, attached to wooden pushcarts in roughly equal condition, protested loudly as they rolled over searing coals. The same couldn't be said for the cat-like demons employed to push the carts, down in the Hell of Blazing Fires. The "kasha", as these demons were called, only occasionally grumbled under their breaths as they plodded along, carrying the fuel that kept the everlasting fire going.

... My name is Kaenbyou Rin, and I am one of those kasha. Every day since I was born from the hellfire, I cart along corpses into the hell chambers to be disposed of, and manage the wayward souls that try to escape. It's a tough job, to be honest, but our master, Satori-sama, is very kind. Do I do it just for her sake? Not really. Sometimes I get to eat some of the corpses. Satori-sama usually stops me when she catches me, though. Says it's really bad for me, but she never really explained why.

"Hey, what the hell are you daydreaming about?! Get moving! I want all of these completely incinerated by the time the last bell rings!"

Still, ever since she left to search for her sister, who disappeared a few weeks ago, these ogre stand-ins she appointed to look over us have been really harsh. I'm definitely going to complain about them to Satori-sama when she comes back. These new corpses didn't seem to get any lighter either, and it takes me all my strength to lug these human boulders to be cremated.

"-- Ah, it's stuck on something."

Grumbling to myself, I bent down under the cart, and dislodged the thing that was stuck under one of the cart's wheels. "Hm? What's this supposed to be?" I asked no one in particular, as I held up a small orange marble of some sort, attached to a small rope like a necklace. It had an oddly mesmerizing glow, and as I cupped it inside my hands, I could see the faint design of what looked like a black eye inside the marble. Compared to the hell furnaces' slow burn, the light coming from this marble was full of life, and very pretty.

"She might like it," I said to myself.

Then, I stuck it in my pocket, and proceeded to forget about it to think about dinner instead. "Maybe we'll have magmafish today!"

---

"Oriiiiin!"

As much as I try to, I can never manage to dodge her flying tackles, and get knocked down every time.

"U-Utsuho, get off me. You're going to break something one day," I complained half-heartedly.

"Orin, how many times do I have to tell you, call me Okuu! O-kuu!"

"All right, all right, Okuu, now please, could you get off me?"

The inconsiderate person that knocked me over was my best friend, named Reiuji Utsuho, or "Okuu", as she insists on being called. She told me that Satori-sama gave her that nickname once, from a reading on the kanji in her name. Utsuho herself couldn't read the kanji from her own name, so it was pretty believable. Anyway, as everyone could see from her small jet-black wings, she belongs in the category of "hell raven", supposedly born from the darkness of the Hell of Blazing Fires. For someone born out of the darkness, though, her personality sure seemed to be unbearably bright, as she showed me firsthand by ambushing me every day after work.

"Oh, what's this in your pocket, Orin? Did you get me a present? Wow! It's so shiny! Can I have it? Can I have it? Pleeeeease?"

She had fished out the necklace I had found earlier from my pocket, holding it up above her head. "Sure, sure. It probably looks better on you anyway," I said, pushing her hands down to let her put it on. Fortunately, I was right, it did look good on her; the trinket's sparkle around her neck matched Utsuho's blindingly radiant grin.

"Alright! Looks good! Now come on, I've got something to show you!" Utsuho said, before dragging me by the hand somewhere.

"Wait, where are we going? The last bell's going to ring soon, and the big oni chief gets really angry if we're late for lights-out."

"It'll only take a little while! Besides, after this, we won't need to worry about any stupid lights-out!"

I was about to ask her what she meant, when she quickly ground to a halt and looked up, causing me to follow suit. Towering above us was a giant hell furnace on its side, strapped tight to one of the corpse pushcarts with a bunch of metal chains. Flying about it were some of Utsuho's smaller hell raven friends, whom she bellowed loudly to. "Yo! Are you guys ready?!"

"Almost, Okuu!" one of them said, while whacking on the hell furnace with what looked like a club. I hoped I was wrong, but it looked like one of the clubs the ogres hefted around while on duty.

"Uh, what is it that you guys are doing?" I asked, even though I was almost sure I didn't want to hear the answer.

Utsuho spun around, and planted her hands on my shoulders, glaring straight at my face. "Listen, Orin. Hell belongs to us! It doesn't belong to those smelly oni! We were born here, and we're gonna show them what's what so they can't bully us anymore!"

"Er, that doesn't really answer my question..."

"I've got it all figured out! Don't ask questions!" she retorted confidently.

"... I guess that means you can't answer it."

"Okuu! We're ready!" one of the ravens said.

"All right! Let's go, Orin!"

Before I could protest, Utsuho had yanked me up towards the top of the contraption, where a small makeshift saddle separated us from the opening of the furnace. Utsuho pulled out a large white blanket from somewhere, and tied it around her neck, draping it over her wings. With her ensemble complete, she pointed forward and exclaimed, "Nobody can stop the invincible Chirei-dan! Let's gooooo!". Then, one of her raven comrades smacked the furnace with an oni club. It began to rumble beneath us, before erupting with a huge plume of fire, accelerating the cart forward rapidly.

"O-Okuu?! What's the meaning of this?!" I managed to sputter out in the middle of the high-speed explosion.

"Alright, Orin! We're going to use this rocket to bust out of the Underground right up to the surface, and we're gonna find Satori-sama ourselves!" said Okuu. "We'll show those oni who's boss! Forwaaaaard!"

"This is crazy! I'm going to dieeeee!" I yelled, holding onto the flimsy saddle for dear life.

---

A little while later, we were all sitting down in front of a holding cage. Predictably, the rocket had crashed into a wall before it had gotten anywhere substantial. Luckily, the hell furnace escaped unexploded somehow, in a miraculous outcome. Meanwhile, we were getting verbally bashed by the chief oni. Every member of the group had been bound by ropes, including me, even though I didn't recall joining Utsuho's birdbrained following.

"Reiuji Utsuho! You're nothing but a bunch of trouble! When're you gonna learn some sense?!" the oni said. "The surface doesn't exist! It's all a bunch of fantasies you kids cooked up!"

"No! It's real! Koishi-sama told me about it before! On the surface, there's no ceiling! No walls! Everyone can fly as far as they want, and there's a big, blue sky everywhere you look!" Utsuho said, standing tall even as her arms, legs and wings were being restrained by ropes.

"Hahaha! Your loony master's gone, kid! She never had a lick of sanity in her! Blue sky, surface world, all a bunch of made-up nonsense! I bet she's buried under a pile of rocks right now, even!"

"She's not! You take that back! Satori-sama's gonna find her!" she cried out, tears flooding down from her eyes.

Meanwhile, the other hell ravens had already bowed their heads to the chief oni, and were having the ropes around them untied. "O-Okuu, come on, lighten up a little. If you keep it up, you won't get any dinner."
"Yeah, come on, Okuu. Say sorry already."
"We're all sorry, Chief Oni."

"Shut up! You guys don't deserve to call me by Satori-sama's nickname," she sobbed, turning away from them. From my position, I could clearly see her holding back the urge to bawl completely. I wanted to reach out to comfort her, but the chief oni had already pulled me away by the shoulder, removing my bindings in the process.

"All right, Kaenbyou, let's go. I know that she pulled you into this, so it's all fine. Just don't go off with her again, okay?"

In the heat of the moment, I wrestled away from the chief oni's grip, and looked at the bound form of Utsuho conflictingly. Her teary eyes seemed to be resigned to her fate, as she motioned for me to leave without her, as if saying, "It's okay, Orin, I'll be fine." My hand gripped painfully at my chest, and the air felt like it stagnated. Looking back at the chief oni, and then back at her- at that point, I wanted nothing else but to kick the chief in his shin and dash away with her.

"Okuu, I--"

Then, the world shook around us.

"TARGET CONFIRMED. FIRING KEYSTONE."

---

The lifeless, robotic voice roared out from all directions, causing everyone to look around wildly. Then, without warning, the ceiling caved in, as a behemoth of a white rock crashed in through it, embedding itself within the red rock around us. The subterranean structures around us broke to pieces, and the floor underneath us gave way to an enormous crevice. Utsuho, still bound with the ropes, couldn't escape falling through the hole, and screamed as she did.

"Okuu!!" I yelled, diving in without a second thought. The darkness of the crevice quickly engulfed both of us, as I felt something in my arms. Clutching it tightly, I tried to fly back up. The world wasn't as kind as Satori-sama, however, as the floor was already too close, and I crashed into it, accidentally letting go of whatever I had gotten a hold of earlier. "Okuu! Okuu!" I called out, coughing wildly.

"U-Uhhh... O-Orin..." someone groaned. I reached out in the direction of the sound. A faint light pierced through the darkness, and my outstretched hand was gripped by someone's warm fingers.

"Okuu!"

"Cough... O-Orin, hey, you're here," said Utsuho, as the orange light from the necklace I gave her earlier illuminated her face. Her confident grin was all I could see, even through her bruised and battered face. Relief washed over me- she was safe. I crawled over to her, and held her tight. It seemed that the fall had loosened her bindings, enough that she had freed herself from them.

"O-Okuu... you're safe," I whispered, through a few sniffles.

Suddenly, a brief hum broke through the silence, causing both of us to look around in a panic. Then, a huge light went up behind Utsuho, illuminating the cramped area. Utsuho sat up quickly as she saw what was revealed. "Whoa..." she exclaimed in awe. A gigantic golden eyeball was embedded inside of the earth, with the middle of the pupil opened up to show a small space inside. The bright light had come from the golden iris.

"Cool!" Utsuho said, as she quickly got to her feet, getting up to clamber inside of the eye. Somehow, she had also dragged me along, and we were thus cramped in the tiny space together. The inside of the head looked absolutely arcane, with amazing golden symbols and lines lighting up everywhere we looked. In the center of it all, a small round indentation appeared to be the focal point of the whole light show.

"Okuu, listen!" I said. The humming started again, but this time a little louder. It was coming from her chest, from which she pulled out the orange marble. The marble pulsed with light along with the insides of the little space in unison. Utsuho and I looked at each other in wonder, and I nodded to her wordlessly. She then stuck the marble inside the indentation.

All of a sudden, the eye closed in on us with an overhead cover, covering us in darkness. A booming voice, similar to the one we heard earlier, announced, "SYSTEM CHECKS NOMINAL. ALL SYSTEMS ONLINE. INITIALIZING YATAGARASU," before the lights all turned back on at once, and everything began to shake violently.

"I think it's working!" exclaimed Utsuho excitedly.

"I think we're dying!"

---

Shortly after, the lights all around us cleared up, and showed a clear picture of the world around us, as if there were no walls around us. The area we had found ourselves in showed a giant white rock in the middle of a large clearing. The same white rock that I had seen earlier, it was polished to a mirror shine, as an unfamiliar white light beamed in from the ceiling where it crashed through. Was that...?

"O-Orin! Look over there!" Utsuho called out, pointing towards the mirror-like rock. In it, I saw that we had climbed into a giant white-colored human-shaped mechanical suit, with a scary-looking golden eyeball embedded into its chest. Behind the giant human was a pair of black wings, over which a white cape was draped over. In a way, it kind of looked like Utsuho herself.

"I-It's... we're inside that thing?!" I blurted out.

"Awesome!! A-And, Orin! Look up there! The surface!" she said excitedly, pointing upwards above the white light. My eyes moved upwards, and indeed, the bright light coming from above the white rock was different from the usual dim red light of the Blazing Fires.

Unfortunately, before we could celebrate, the white rock before us hummed to life, and announced, in its previous booming voice, "WARNING: MANA PURGE IN T MINUS 600 SECONDS. ALL REMAINING LIFEFORMS IN IMMEDIATE VICINITY WILL BE ELIMINATED."

"W-What's that mean?" I stammered.

"I dunno, but it doesn't sound like a good thing, which means we gotta stop it!" said Utsuho excitedly.

"What?! How?!"

"Let's try... this!" she said, before grabbing onto a couple of handles in front of her. As if reading her mind, I saw the giant human suit leap towards the rock, and smash into it with its fist. The impact was great, but... "Wait, why isn't it doing anything?" ... even with a few repeated blows, it appeared that the rock was impervious to any sort of damage, even with the gigantic weapon on our side.

"Okuu! Stop! Before something bad happens!" I said, causing her to stop... whatever it is that caused the suit to move. With the shaking around us stopped, I sighed in relief. However, it didn't look like Utsuho was finished. Her head was darting around, as if she was looking for something.

"Hmm... Oh, there it is!" she said, before she leapt over to the crashed rocket we had rode on earlier. Unfortunately, she didn't quite stick the landing, and smashed the fist of the giant suit right through the hell furnace's walls. Remembering how it had erupted earlier on our joyride, I could feel the blood drain from my face.

"Okuu, what did you--" I started, before the lights around us started to blink rapidly. Some horns began to go off, and the hell furnace suddenly began to transform and morph uncontrollably on the suit's hand. Utsuho meanwhile nonchalantly commanded the suit to raise its fist from the wreckage, which fused itself with the suit's hand.

"All right! We got a weapon now! And I've got just the name for it! Let's go, Orin!" said Utsuho, pointing the transforming arm towards the white rock. She wasted no time in commanding the giant suit to fly towards the rock, which rocketed forward with the same breakneck speed as I had just experienced not too long ago.

"Giga..." Utsuho said.

The suit began to swing back the fist in a wind up. I looked back quickly at the arm behind us, watching it melt and suffuse into a long orange pillar, with several yellow lights revolving rapidly around it.

"Flare..."

The pillar then dissolved into the suit's arm, creating a shining orange fist. All of the lights around us went wild, and the pilot space we were in shook violently once again. I turned back to the front, watching us hurtle towards the white rock and holding onto Utsuho's blouse for dear life. "Okuuuuuu!!" I yelled out.

"Breakerrrrr!!"

In one swift movement, the suit swung the gleaming fist into the white rock with an enormous right hook, crashing through it with reckless abandon. The fist disintegrated everything in its path, melting the white rock that was barely dented earlier, as we careened through it and up towards the ceiling. And then, the blinding light.

---

My eyes eventually adjusted to the light, and I cautiously cracked my eyelids open. Around us was an enormous expanse of space, that stretched as far as either of us could see. Without walls. Without a ceiling. In fact, above us was a vast emptiness, painted with a light blue color. The "sky". I stood there agape at the wonderous view, which only seemed to expand before me as time went on. Looking over at Utsuho, she was in a similar state, and we both admired the beautiful openness of the "surface world."

Then, just as quickly, the sky above us began to move further away from us. It took me a second to realize that we were falling, and I turned quickly to Utsuho. "Okuu, why are we falling?"

Her only response was to blankly stare back at me, replying with, "Um, huh?", followed by a distinct rumble, coming from her stomach. As if on cue, the various lights in the pilot space around us dimmed down as we continued to fall out of the sky.

"Okuu, you idioooooot!!"

My heart beats faster than any one could ever imagine. My spellcards seems to have little effect on this Red and White Shrine Maiden. I fear I may lose. Even the purest bullets with the intent to kill may not be good enough. But I must do this. I must show those Lunarians my fury towards Chang'e. Sometimes, I hear my associates asking: How did this all begin? How did she start to hate the Lunarian race? And as my final spell is beaten, I begin to remember what started all of this- what started my eternal hatred...



Many, many years ago, my grudge towards Chang'e began, when her resentful husband caused the deaths of my beloved husband and son- I will never forget the emotions I felt that day. Anger. Sorrow. Emptiness and most of all: vengefulness. I will never forget what I told Hecatia shortly after "This will form an unbreakable grudge. Not just between me and Chang'e, but between me and the Lunarians." I will also always remember the expression of shock contrasting with agreement on her face. Yet since this day (and the other times I attacked these impure wretched Lunarians) I have been planning the perfect plan to rid the Lunarians from the moon forever. And this plan, involved using one species Lunarians would never touch- the impure fairies.



I remember the time when I told the fairy Clownpiece, this story. She loves hearing it, for whatever reason. Whenever she asks me to hear this (and I accept) her face lights up with excitement. I suppose she likes hearing how this conflict began. But maybe she's curious to hear how it will end, maybe even how I deal with conflict. Yet this doesn't matter to me anymore, I'm ready to assist Hecatia in a fight against that Shrine Maiden again. I believe her name is Reimu? It does not matter to me. I must get my revenge on the Lunarians, I must aid Hecatia, no matter what the costs...



Hecatia and I have lost. But how does such an un-pure, weak human manage to beat us? This must be the filthy Lunarian's plan to stop us. Using weak, vulnerable humans to beat me sounds just like them. Yet this human seemed surprisingly pure. This loss will not be taken lightly by myself. While Hecatia seems fine about it, I am not. The plan was extremely successful until the Shrine Maiden, Reimu, got involved. Even though the Lunarians had little to fear towards me before, they do now. And even if my plan failed, it shall prevail next time...

Prologue: Tears of Ice

The Human Village hustled and bustled with activity, with men rushing into the tavern and women talking amongst each other. The day was beautiful, and the humans minded their own business. It had been an uneventful day, save for one incident. Along the beaten path leading out of the village was a certain ice fairy, covered in scrapes and bruises. Her blue jumper dress was covered in holes and her signature blue ribbon was ripped to shreds. Cirno shuffled her feet as she walked upon the dirt path, kicking a rock every so often. She sighed to herself, looking up at the clear blue sky. She closed her eyes and looked down, before continuing onto the path. After a few minutes along the beaten path, Cirno arrived at Misty Lake. Feeling an uncontrollable rage, Cirno violently lashed out at the toads by the lakeside.

“Freeze! Freeze! Freeze!” Cirno shouted, encasing dozens of toads in a cage of ice. She grit her teeth, freezing the last of the toads resting by the lakeside, before falling down on her knees. Tears flowed from her eyes as she reminisced about the events that transpired earlier.


Chapter 1: A Wake-Up Call

“Eheheh, sorry ‘bout this everyone. This fairy is just a little…” Marisa began, nervously laughing. The entire Human Village was looking on as Marisa was apologizing.

“Hey! Marisa! Don’t just ignore me like that! Give back what you stole!” Cirno yelled, summoning multiple icicles next to her. Marisa’s nervous laughter turned into a big sigh, as she rubbed the back of her neck.

“Listen Cirno, I don’t really get what your deal is, but if I battle you, will you leave?” Marisa said, grabbing her Mini-Hakkero out of her dress. Cirno nodded, smirking.

“Here I--”

“Master Spark!” Marisa shouted, aiming the Mini-Hakkero at Cirno and firing a tremendous laser directly at her. Cirno, caught off guard, attempted to shield herself by forming a wall of ice, but the laser blew right past it, knocking her off her feet and blasting her through the walls of one of the stores in the village. Marisa, seeing the collateral damage she caused, uttered out a simple “Oops” before jumping on her broom and flying away. Cirno, dazed and confused, slowly got up from the wreck she and Marisa caused and simply sighed, before walking out of the village.



Chapter 2: A Shrine Maiden’s Dilemma

Reimu sat by the table, peeling an orange for herself. In the other room, a steaming hot pot of tea was brewing. She smiled, putting one of the orange slices in her mouth. It had been a while since Gensokyo was so peaceful. From the other room, a high pitched tone played, alerting Reimu that the tea was ready. Getting up, she headed over to her tea pot before she was interrupted by a knock on the door. Reimu quickly removed the tea pot from the burning stove and headed toward the door. She slid the door open, before seeing a beaten up ice fairy.

“Huh? Cirno?” Reimu asked. Cirno scoffed, averting her gaze from the shrine maiden. Reimu sighed. “Come on in…” She said. Cirno bumped Reimu aside, walking into the shrine. Reimu slid the door, closing it, before sitting down at the table again. Cirno followed suit and the two stared at each other for a bit. Reimu tilted her head to the side.

“Is something on my face?” She asked. Cirno didn’t respond. Reimu sighed, grabbing an orange and peeling it, before setting it down in front of Cirno. Still, she didn’t respond. Reimu got up and grabbed another tea cup, pouring Cirno a cup of tea. Still, no response. Reimu started tapping her finger on the table, as well as resting her chin on her hand. A few moments passed, before Cirno raised her voice.

“Training.” She mumbled.

“Huh?”

“Training! Train me!” Cirno started shouting, a fire in her eyes. She slammed her hands on the table and leaned forward.

“T-Training? What are you ta--”

“Danmaku battles! Train me!” Cirno slammed her hands again. Reimu raised her eyebrows.

“Oh? What’s this? The “Strongest” asking for training?” Reimu teased, smirking. Cirno grit her teeth, swallowing her pride.

“Please.” Cirno said. Reimu narrowed her eyes and looked at Cirno.

“Why?” She asked. Cirno’s fire was then extinguished, as she sat back down. She looked down at her torn dress.

“Marisa...stole something from me…” She whispered. Reimu sighed and shook her head.

“She just has to make my life harder every chance she gets…” Reimu said, standing up. “Okay, I’ll do it.” Reimu smirked, as if she was cooking up a diabolical plan in her mind. “On one condition though.”

Cirno tilted her head, curious.

"Answer this question; If you saw Marisa right now, what would you do to her?”

Cirno immediately answered, “Freeze her and take back what she stole.”

Reimu nodded and smiled. “I see.”


Chapter 3: Training…?

When Reimu agreed to train Cirno, Cirno was expecting to be Danmaku dueling her over and over and learning new spells. Instead however, the training Reimu gave Cirno consisted of daily mundane chores. Sweeping the floor, picking up trash, praying, among other things. Cirno was starting to wonder if Reimu agreed to train her because she needed a maid.

A few days passed, and Reimu was still making Cirno do boring chores. After sweeping around the Hakurei Shrine for the fifth time today, she barged into the shrine and rushed over to Reimu.

“Hey, what is this!? I thought I said to train me in Danmaku! Not in the boring chores of a shrine maiden who has too much time!” Cirno shouted.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear what you just said.” Reimu said. “And trust me, this is vital training.” She continued, smiling to herself. Cirno scoffed, picking her broom back up and going back to sweeping.

“Oh, Cirno, one other thing.” Reimu said. Cirno turned her head. “Drop that attitude, or else.” Reimu continued. Her tone of voice was calm and sweet, but Cirno knew there was a lot of malice behind it.

Cirno continued to do as Reimu asked for another week, before one day, she called for her name. Cirno placed her broom down, walking into the shrine and seeing Reimu leaning against a wall.

“I have a question for you.” Reimu began. “If you saw Marisa right now, what would you do?”

Unlike last time, Cirno thought for a bit before answering. “I’d ask if she would give me back what she stole.” Cirno said, before pausing and placing her hand over her mouth.

“Not what you answered last time, right?” Reimu smiled. “C’mon, we’re going somewhere.” Reimu said. Cirno didn’t reply, and simply followed Reimu’s lead.



Chapter 4: The Strongest Attack
“Reimu and...Urk, C-Cirno?” Marisa asked. Reimu waved at her friend before lightly shoving Cirno toward Marisa.

“C’mon, show her your strongest attack.” Reimu smirked.

“Hey hey, what is this?” Marisa chuckled. Cirno looked at Marisa, before readying an icicle. Marisa glared at Reimu for a moment before taking out her Mini-Hakkero. Marisa aimed it at Cirno, but much to her surprise, the icicles were gone. Instead, a beautiful snowflake laid at Marisa’s feet. Curious, she picked it up and looked at Cirno. She then bowed.

“I’m sorry. Will you forgive me and hand back what you stole from me?” Cirno said.

“H-Huh? Wh…” Marisa stumbled back, before sighing. She looked at Reimu.

“What did you do to her?” Marisa asked. Reimu shrugged. Marisa sighed and reached into her pocket, putting her Mini-Hakkero away and instead getting out a small teddy bear.

“Here, I’m sorry too.” Marisa said, handing the teddy bear to Cirno. Cirno grabbed the teddy bear and snuggled it in her arms, nearly crying.

Epilogue

“C’mon Reimu, off the record, what did you do to her?” Marisa asked. Reimu looked up at the sky.

“I made her calm down. She was speaking from her feelings, not her brain.” Reimu replied. “I am a violent man who has learned not to be violent and regrets his violence.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing, just a quote I heard.”

Bad
There's a bunch of repetition. Not a hugely bad thing, but enough to be a little offputting. Your exposition style is a little bland, with a lot of "and then" and generic noun-verb clauses. This is honestly where most of the bad comes from, it reads a little like a childern's book. The scene with Letty was entirely unecessary, I think, because you didn't really expand on it at all later on. The dialogue drones on a little bit, and feels stiff pretty often. Although I can forgive most of that because the content is often pretty entertaining.
Good
Damn, is this funny at times. I'm not sure if you were going for this, but every other thing Cirno says at points is top kek material. I actually really like how you handled all the characters, Cirno is delightfully naive and arrogant, Daiyousei is timid but determined. I feel like the path to the climax, where Dai convinces Cirno she doesn't need to fight them, was handled well and the emotions and stuff weren't rushed. I think it's obvious you spent a decent amount of time on this, and at the very least your sense of humor is on point.

Suggestions
You should work on your exposition, mainly. It really makes a big difference in a story if the scene-setting and actions are presented both thoughtfully and interestingly. Work a little on your dialogue as well, try and make sure it sounds natural and not stiff. Say it out loud, have a conversation with yourself, etc etc. Also, if you're going to introduce a character, make sure they play some important part in the story. Letty here seemed to highlight Cirno's lack of confidence, but that had already been done after getting her shit beaten in by the fairies.
Final Score: 55/100

Bad
Not much is bad here, really. I mean, the story isn't really original and would be a little confusing to anyone who hasn't watch TTGL. As far as that goes, I think it could have benefitted by having more description with the mechas, coloring the scene a little more clearly. It also lacks a conclusion, or at least a satisfying one. Almost like it was the first episode of an anime. Also, Orin didn't really do much of anything, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Good
The first person style is done extremely well. You kept it a good mix of internal dialogue, external dialogue, and general exposition. Both Okuu and Orin are handled well as characters, and it was quite funny at times. Overall, very entertaining. And the plot it's copying me, to my shame, didn't hit me until pretty close to the end. On that note, I think it's a really good adaptation of that plot. The changes made to fit Okuu and Orin's place in Gensokyo were pretty clever.

Suggestions
I'd suggest making your story a little more original. While it was very well written, I can't help but feel a little potential was lost with it adhering to something that already exists. Giving it a genuine ending or conclusion would probably have been enough to do that for me, actually.
Final Score: 85/100

Bad
The rhyme scheme and meter is a bit awkward. Like, say it out loud and try to keep to a rythm. Some might say you can't be too critical with that stuff in poetry, but hey, I think that stuff is important with rhyming poetry. I'm too impressed by much with this, but at the same time it isn't really bad. But, alas, I expect a lot from poems. Yours lacks a theme, similar to the first one, or a mood that makes it really interesting. There aren't any sub-messages or clever things I can read into, just a story-made-rhyme.
Good
I kind of like how it sounds like some mantra Youmu would say before a fight, or a meal or whatever. Something you'd find in ye olde tome of family things. And it does rhyme! (mostly). I also like your word choice, even if it feels a bit uneven, it's not boring to read. Just lacks that extra kick. It's an alright poem.

Suggestions
Pay a little closer attention to how the poem sounds when read aloud. Also, make sure words actually rhyme (become doesn't really rhyme with home) . Try and make the message or story a little deeper than the surface, although arguably you did and we missed it completely :V.
Final Score: 50/100

Bad
It rambles a lot. Kind of seems like a stream-of-consciousness, which doesn't make for great reading. It also is just kind of a retelling of events already established by canon. I mean, even the characters inner monologues are fairly well-established by the game. Not that a good retelling can't be good writing, but this is kind of boring and shows a little bit of a lack of creativity. It being in the first person makes it especially susceptible to being drab as well, you need some interesting imagery or exposition to keep us interested. Also, I'm not sure what the clownpiece bit is in there for. I mean, she's cute and all, but you never expand on it. Seems like a weird non-sequitor.
Good
Grammar's good, I like that. By "un-pure" I think you might be looking for impure. And at the very least, you show knowledge of these characters. While the story drones on a bit, I suppose I can imagine it being told by someone over a campfire or a glass of wine, just in a rather monotone, disinterested voice.
Suggestions
Work on your storytelling and imagery. Make sure everything you write has some kind of impact on the story or the characters in the story, and isn't just there to be fluff. Also, do your best to add your own creative spin to things, instead of just repeating what's already canon in your own words.
Final Score: 15/100

Bad
I think my biggest issue with this is just how much of a dick Marisa must be to steal someone's Teddy Bear. Geez, girl, some lines just shouldn't be crossed! Seriously, though, you really should have given us a reason Marisa stole it in the first place, what Cirno did that she apologized for. Reimu in this seems a little more sage-like than I'm used to with her, but hey, we ain't taking off points for not adhering to canon. The prologue is kind of awkwardly placed, although it's obvious it should be between chapters 1 and 2. You should have made some small reference to her taking her anger out on the frogs between them, to make the flow the the shrine smoother. Also, I think we're missing a bit of conversation between Cirno and Reimu, because Cirno suddenly understanding she has to apologise and give Marisa a gift isn't quite in line with what she learned from Reimu. The piece also lacks interesting exposition, but in its place there's decent dialogue.
Good
Like I said, the dialogue is good. And you also didn't have any superfluous stuff in there, which is applaudable. The actual arc is pretty heartwarming, if a little cliche. I like how you handled Cirno a lot, stubborn and immature, but not entirely unwilling to listen. Reimu acting as a wise parent is a little odd but I can't deny that I like that character archetype.

Suggestions
Get some interesting exposition in there, and make sure you flesh out some story points to avoid odd little holes in the story. Also, make sure each part fits into the next and previous part, because while doing things out of order can be artsy, they still need to fit. Don't make Marisa such a dick ;-;.

Final Score: 60/100

Some people seem to favor poems, sometimes because it seems like a quick way to write something and seem meaningful, other times because they are under the assumption that all that is needed is for things to rhyme.

Both of those arguments are wrong. Just like short stories, because most poems have a limited length, you really need to make it shine and fill it with meaning, metaphors and symbolism. Rhyming is obviously a plus but not the most important or even required part.



Suggestions for improvement:



This poem was too straightforward in terms of the story it’s trying to tell and that wouldn’t be as bad if it wasn’t for the very glaring grammar mistakes. From the simple and obvious lack of capitalization of the character’s names to outright broken sentences and some that are completely disconnected from one another:



“They fight never saw the hope

And never know how to solve

Even two girls never think but pain”.



There is no progression to what you’re trying to say and no line to connect them together like in the first part where there’s a logical flow to the story.



I suggest, above all, that you work on your grammar and vocabulary. You have sentences that make no sense whatsoever like: ‘And she paid Kaguya with eternal tendency” which makes no sense in meaning or even story-wise. The second suggestion is: use grammar check. Word has it and you should use it. If you already struggle with grammar, play smart and use all the help you can get.



Conclusion:

Take baby steps. Before tackling poetry that is, arguably, one of the hardest genres, get some practice from writing simple, narrative stories and then go from there.



5/100

I liked how you portrayed Cirno, it was very in character. I especially liked the “Little do they know that Cirno the terrorist will come terrorizing their territory today in this day of terror!”. It made me chuckle. I’m not entirely sure if the repetition was intentional, but even if it wasn’t it really worked here as I can imagine her saying this sort of things.



It was also fun to see Dai point out that yelling isn’t a good fighting strategy.



And finally, your story has the nice message that there is a lot of different “strengths” and that you don’t necessarily need to be physically strong to be strong. (Though I wish you had focused this more because it just gets mentioned a little by passing.)



Suggestions for improvement:



There’s quite a bit of repetition of names overall, especially Cirno’s or the pronoun “she” which isn’t a very important issue but it sort of breaks the flow of a sentence. Take this as an example:



“(…)Cirno confidently stretches her arms as she feels that she has dominated this territory as the strongest being. Suddenly, there were footsteps heard behind her. Cirno swiftly turns around to make a quick scan. It was four local fairies and all tower above Cirno. Cirno smirks towards them.”



In order to avoid these kind of repetition you can either use another way to address her like “the ice fairy”, “the blue haired girl”, “the auto-proclaimed strongest fairy” and so forth, or using the present continuous or starting the sentences with a adverb instead of a noun like:



“Confidently stretching her arms, the ice fairy was convinced that she had dominated this territory as the strongest being. (…) Turning swiftly around for a quick scan, her eyes met four local fairies, all of them towering over her. But all they got in reply was a smirk.”



This is just an example of how you can go from 6 repetitions to using just to regular pronouns. The present continuous is often called a “movement verb” because it usually portrays something that is happening, as such, it automatically makes the actions pop out more.



Another thing, your story is character-centric, as a lot of them tend to be. There is nothing wrong about it at all, it’s probably one of my preferred genres, but it does mean you have to pay more attention to the characters and make their actions more vivid to the readers. One way to improve this is by being more descriptive about what the characters are doing, how they are feeling.



For instance, instead of saying “Cirno proudly stated” you can say “Cirno said, puffing her chest proudly, fully convinced that no one could outmatch her performance.”

With this we have a better mental image of her movements and of what was going in her mind. Granted, showing what goes in the character’s head isn’t always necessary, subtlety is often the key. But it definitely doesn’t hurt to give us a window to their minds and feelings from time to time.



When I talk descriptive, it also applies to the scenery. Alright, Cirno gets blasted away and she rolls on the ground. But what if the energy ball, shimmery menacingly, hits Cirno on the chest, sending her tumbling down on the ground like a ragdoll, through dust and tree branches? Does it create a more complete image of the action? That want you want to see in your stories.



Conclusion:

I can see you put some effort in this story. There’s definitely room for improvement but with practice I’m sure you’ll be able to get better quickly. Keep it up!



43/100

First of all, people that know me would be informed of my usual dislike for stories that are written in the first person. The reason for this is that, usually, they are very badly written and lack the descriptive nature that is easier to achieve in the third person.



That being said, I think your story is an exception to the trend. It’s very descriptive, and, above all, does something that I love seeing well done which is: you get to know what the main character is thinking. It’s this introspective nature that very often gets lost in the middle of walls describing uninteresting aspects of the characters actions.



I especially like how cynical (I had a few laughs) and grumpy Orin sounds and you have a very clever way of showing this through her introspections by adding telling words on seemingly disconnected thoughts like:



“The "kasha", as these demons were called, only occasionally grumbled under their breaths as they plodded along, carrying the fuel that kept the everlasting fire going.”



Or



“(…)she belongs in the category of "hell raven", supposedly born from the darkness of the Hell of Blazing Fires. For someone born out of the darkness, though, her personality sure seemed to be unbearably bright (…)”



Suggestions for improvement:



First off, don’t eat corpses. Eating bones is not healthy for your stomach or teeth.



Second, I do think the mecha part, which was completely unexpected, was a bit confusing. I’m tempted to imagine this a bit like Tengen Toppa Guren Lagann with underground robots being awaken by necklaces, but I do think it needed a little bit of explanation, even if it was just Orin confusedly trying to make sense out of it all instead of a concrete answer.



Third, I feel like the ending probably needed a little more work, it was funny but I don’t think it had the feel of a conclusion. Maybe adding a scene with the mecha crashing down and Orin going: “We had finally reached the surface, Okuu had finally achieved her dream. I wince and my blurry eyes adjust to the unconscious figure of a hell raven, somehow goofily smiling despite the very uncanny position of her right arm. And in my mind there is only a question: How would find Satori-sama with half our bones broken?” Something like that.



Conclusion:

I think this was a really well written story, with tons of description, twists and funny bits (I’m a sucker for comedy). Good job!



77/100

I’m going to repeat a bit what I said in the first entry and that’s that poetry is one of the hardest genres to do well in. The lack of word count has to, necessarily, be compensated by meaning, symbolism and all the linguistic devices you can use to make it rich. The best poems I’ve read are subtle and require some amount of “reading between the lines” to be fully understood. It’s akin to an onion, with a few layers that you go and peel over and not just the outside layer that’s in plain view and anyone can see it.



That being said, I think you did a good job giving us a portrait of Youmu, her philosophy of living, her value for honor and her loyalty.



I also like that you didn’t use the typical rhyme pattern of making the last word of the first sentence rhyme with the last word of the following sentence since that’s the least original rhyme form there is (which doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad, by the way).



Suggestions of improvement:



It’s a bit as I said in the introduction. It should have hidden meanings, for instance, you give a hint about Youmu not taking pleasure of what she’d doing, why not give the poem a little section elaborating on that?

Another thing you can do is to use metaphors more often, make her swords symbolize her dedication to Yuyuko, that’s the kind of deeper meaning that makes good poems.



Conclusion:

It was a good poem, regardless. You can improve them a lot, however, don’t forget the onion peels.



53/100

It’s nice to see a story about Junko, and in terms of grammar, there is nothing to point out.



The title is nice too, ayy!





Suggestions for improvement:



There are two important main problems here.



The first one: out of the bad, it just seems as four very disconnected paragraphs put together, in a story you want a flow to things, a thread that connects scenes together and not simply for different scenes that don’t seem to have a viable train of thought to connect them or a logical progression.



So, Junko is fighting against Reimu and losing, and then you have the part that goes with this round’s theme that should have the main focus, and then offhanded descriptions about Clownpiece and Hecatia that are completely superfluous to the rest of the action, then back to being defeated.



Hecatia and Clownpiece bits being there are completely inconsequential, if you don’t plan to give characters a meaningful role in your story there are two things you can do: mention them and don’t dwell or don’t add them at all. In the end, this is only fluff that is there to increase word count.



The second one: this is a story focused on the revenge story of a character, yet… you just describe it as: “I will never forget the emotions I felt that day. Anger. Sorrow. Emptiness and most of all: vengefulness.” It lacks impact and feeling.



You could start things with a narration about how happy she was with a family and how the Lunarians took it all away from her. Use metaphors and description to make her emotions actually meaningful. Instead of going “I felt anger, sorrow and emptiness” which is as generic as you can get at describing loss, you can go “When they took them away for me it was as if part of vanished as well. Sorrow ripped through my soul, my very heart split apart, shaken by pain and anger alike and in my core I felt it, my very being, twisting into something dark and ugly, calling, hollering for just one thing: vengeance.” See the difference between descriptions?



You have to evoke feelings in your readers, you want them to feel for the character and understand her motivations, a generic description simply won’t be enough, especially in a short and character driven story.



Conclusion:

You have no grammar hurdles with is already a very big plus, this means you can focus on fine tuning your writing. Don’t just go for what’s simple, enrich your story. Your focus on the story was a really nice choice, it’s the execution that is severely lacking. Go for metaphors, symbolism, hyperboles, bring the story alive with emotion. Practice makes perfect, and I’m sure you’ll be able to improve a lot if you’re willing to be risky.



20/100

I liked the progression of this story, I admit I wasn’t expecting it to turn into pacifist mode. It’s also a nice taken on a possible way for Cirno to grow as a character and learn something (despite being a fairy and all that).



You also did a decent job with describing people’s actions which is something that was lacking in a lot of entries. Also, no problems with your grammar.



Suggestions of improvement:



In what concerns the plot, there are a few things I thought were lacking. Even though I liked the progression, I don’t really know why Cirno should be apologizing to Marisa. It’s implied that she did something bad but what did she do exactly that would warrant the witch an apology?

Speaking of apologies, it seems to me that Marisa was covering up for Cirno, so why would she take away her teddy bear as punishment? If you’re willing to put yourself in a hot place to help someone and go ‘oh, you know how she is…’ then why would you take her prized possession away? What was Marisa’s train of thought?



That aside, it would have been nice to know the significance of the teddy bear, why it was important to Cirno. It would’ve been a good way to make us root for her because that evil witch stole Cirno the teddy bear that her deceased mom gave her (I know fairies have no mom’s besides Mommy Nature, but you get the idea.)



Seeing Reimu repeat the question as a way to assess Cirno’s improvements was a nice thought, I wish you had dwelled on those bits a little more or give her training a bit more insight like, what were Cirno’s thought during it? Maybe she realized that she overreacted or that she did something wrong, something like that would’ve been nice.





As for technicalities, I’ll be repeating what I said in a previous entry: try to avoid always using the character’s name on repeat.



“Huh? Cirno?” Reimu asked. Cirno scoffed, averting her gaze from the shrine maiden. Reimu sighed. “Come on in…” She said. Cirno bumped Reimu aside, walking into the shrine. Reimu slid the door, closing it, before sitting down at the table again. Cirno followed suit and the two stared at each other for a bit. Reimu tilted her head to the side.



This is one of the examples. Instead of always repeating the characters’ names, just go with alternatives like “shrine maiden”, “red white”, “brunette” for Reimu, or “ice fairy”, “fairy”, “bluer haired girl” for Cirno. It brings another kind of dynamic to the sentence instead of breaking the flow with constant repetitions.



That aside, I think you’d benefit a lot from adding more description to the sceneries and maybe had some stylistic devices (I know, I say this a lot), and please, avoid the chapter thing, this is a one shot competition, it’s always better to make the transition to scenes in a narrative way instead of dividing them.



Conclusion:

It was a well thought piece, I enjoyed how it went and how it ended up. It’s pretty cute. I hope you focus on fine tuning your writing with description and introspective bits, that would’ve helped this story rise up. That being said, I think you have creative potential to improve quickly so, keep practicing.



59/100

Okay, I like the concept, I really do. But that's as far as it goes.
First off, no matter how many times I read this out loud, I can't find any cadence to it. Even for freeform poetry, it just doesn't hang together.
Second, while I don't dock points for a few misspellings or grammatical errors, there's very many sentences here that don't even have a coherent meaning. "To the who make bad blood", for instance. I'd like to let it slide on account of the author probably not being a native English speaker, but it's really egregious, and exacerbates the lack of poetic rhythm even more. (And, well, handicaps based on personal theories about authors is kinda a no-go anyway. The goal of a competition, sadly, is not to measure personal relative success.)
The phrasing is also really bland. "Very very very angry", really? There are so many more evocative ways to describe anger than using even one "very", let alone three.
"Who fight in the whirl of eternity" is probably the line I like best. It prompts visualization, is a relatively creative description, and doesn't leave me wondering what the missing words are.

You know the saying "show, don't tell"? This is what it applies to. Simply narrating information isn't as good as more emotional, evocative descriptions. Sticking to writing what the characters do and how they feel is preferable to just stating what they're like. Let the readers form their own opinions. You don't need to say flat out that Cirno has a strong will; that's what the story is demonstrating already.
For example, "Cirno confidently stretches her arms as she feels that she has dominated this territory as the strongest being" starts out as a great sentence. The imagery is great. The explanation of it, less so. "Cirno confidently stretches out her arms, surveying her conquered territory", for example, is how I might phrase it.
Another thing that could help the story flow a little better is avoiding too much repetition of the same words. For example, the quickly repeated "experience" in the intro, or the use of Cirno's name in nearly every sentence. When possible, think up alternate descriptions. You could stand to switch in "she" for some of the "Cirno", with no confusion about who's being referred to. In some of the other cases, for example, instead of repeating "giant ball of energy", you could switch to "luminescent sphere" or something like that. Best advice I can give on this is to read out loud to yourself as you add sentences. If it sounds awkward, change something.
The story structure is good. You show the problem, the other fairies bullying Cirno. You show what she does to address the problem, and return to the fairies to show the solution. I'd advise a little more focus on Cirno being part of that solution, though. Maybe with a little bit more dialogue of Cirno ranting about no one being friends with her, while she beats up Dai. Instead, Dai is the actual hero, really. She's the one who suggests Cirno try being friends instead of just beating people up. Cirno just goes along with it. Giving Cirno a bigger part in that decision would make the solution more meaningful. Or, if you'd rather have Daiyousei be the real hero, have her be involved a little earlier, maybe taking Letty's role as well. It's too sudden as is.
A lot of Cirno's dialogue is very good, showing a lot of personality. It's funny while still suiting her well, imo. I like that part a lot.
(Also, your tenses are scrambled. Cirno "said" one thing, but "yells" another. Make up your mind to write in past tense or present tense, and stick to it. If you have trouble sticking to it, try the other and see if it feels a bit easier.)
("Cirno still strives to become the strongest, but even though she will lose many fights in the future, the friendships she form shows the strength of her heart and willpower." I can't help but imagine this in the voice of the narrator of the original Pokemon anime, btw.)

Okay, I love the descriptions in the first paragraph. Perfect. Visually evocative AND very distinctly cynical and Rin-like. Second paragraph also great. It's almost pure exposition, sure, but it's just the right balance of necessary information and brevity. Tells us who Rin is, what she's doing there, and why, with no extra clutter, and the explanation is still personalized enough to help characterization.
Again, nice detail on Rin's find. I particularly like how you highlighted her forgetting about it.

"As much as I try to, I can never manage to dodge her flying tackles, and get knocked down every time."
YES. THIS is how you show backstory details. Again, very nice.
More awesome inner dialogue.

"No! It's real! Koishi-sama told me about it before! On the surface, there's no ceiling! No walls! Everyone can fly as far as they want, and there's a big, blue sky everywhere you look!"
I like this. Good work on considering the perspective of the characters, enough to think of things like the surface not having a ceiling.
Also, I like how Okuu's outburst was handled. Not too much time dwelling on it, still enough to depict her feelings very well.
Another note - nice little detail, how internally Rin uses "Utsuho", but says "Okuu" out loud.
"My hand gripped painfully at my chest, and the air felt like it stagnated."
More good description, emotional without being trite.
"The world wasn't as kind as Satori-sama, however"
Nice details again. Using narrative to seamlessly show character perspective. This is the kind of thing I'd like to see more of in the other entries.
"The inside of the head looked absolutely arcane, with amazing golden symbols and lines lighting up everywhere we looked. In the center of it all, a small round indentation appeared to be the focal point of the whole light show."
Again, good description accounting for what the characters don't know.

"As if reading her mind, I saw the giant human suit leap towards the rock, and smash into it with its fist."
You might wanna rearrange the order of this sentence? I'm guessing what you mean by it would be better described as "I saw the giant human suit leap towards the rock and smash into it with its fist, as if reading her mind." Currently, it indicates that the mind-reading similarity is describing how Rin was aware of this happening, and I'm guessing it's more likely she was still watching the reflection, and you're meaning to say that the robot copied Okuu's thoughts.

""Okuu! Stop! Before something bad happens!" I said, causing her to stop... whatever it is that caused the suit to move."
Could use a separate description of Okuu stopping, instead of it being an automatic and undetailed response, imo.

"before she leapt over to the crashed rocket"
Going by standard assumptions of mecha anime, it'd be easier to see this as the robot jumping at Okuu's direction, not Okuu jumping out of it. But that doesn't fit with the descriptive style used earlier, which is imo more appropriate. So this paragraph took a bit longer to make sense of.

"the hell furnace suddenly began to transform and morph uncontrollably on the suit's hand"
Transform and morph into what? Again, you're relying on norms of a separate subgenre, and not tailoring your description to the context or the character's knowledge.

Back to very nice, character-specific description at the end.

Okay, I'm not going to dock points for the "copying", since I don't see it as being copying in terms of like, not bothering to write your own plot. I see it as creative adaptation, which I do think is more challenging in some ways, due to the constraints of sticking closely to an existing work. I am, however, a little disappointed that for all the things you got right, the story still isn't complete. Not in and of itself, anyway. We don't know why giant mechas suddenly appeared, what the white rock was, what's up with the cliffhanger ending. Granted, that stuff would be forgivable individually. But together, it adds up to a lot of things left unresolved. Yeah, I expect it probably merges nicely into TTGL, from what I can guess of your intention, and all that stuff ends up explained *then*. But here's the thing. You're writing for a Touhou contest, submitting a standalone piece. Ideally, all entries would be complete stories judged only by that. I'd have given you a 9/10 if it weren't for the unresolved stuff.

Proper structure is an improvement, even if the sentence lengths feel a bit uneven. In particular, I feel the ending following the same structure would have been preferable.
"Everything my frandfather taught me back home" (sic) feels a bit disjointed. While I think it belongs somewhere in the poem, the meaning doesn't really fall into place as is.
I do like the hints of Youmu's dislike of harming others, and it's one of the best uses of the theme.
"Solemnly I use what I say into practice"
Slightly odd phrasing in particular here, I think it could be improved on although I like this line in terms of concept.
So... yeah. Not very much wrong, not very much outstandingly right either, so you get a nice average score.

Okay, first thought - This isn't a story. This is a description of the key elements of a story. I very much understand disliking to write action scenes, particularly ones bound to the mechanics of a video game, but cutting out everything except exposition, backstory, ending isn't the solution.
"I begin to remember what started all of this"
"Begin to remember" really indicates more to me that until then, she had forgotten it. As you emphasize later all this stuff she'll never forget, that seems to not be your intention. "Called to mind" or "I thought back to when..." or the like would probably suit your purpose better.
"I will never forget the emotions I felt that day. Anger. Sorrow. Emptiness and most of all: vengefulness"
So evoke these emotions, rather than just stating them. Describe them, and/or the relevant events, more thoroughly. Involve the reader. No one feels sad about a statement of "I was sad".
"The plan was extremely successful until the Shrine Maiden, Reimu, got involved. Even though the Lunarians had little to fear towards me before, they do now."
Wait, what? They didn't have any reason to fear her while her plan was extremely successful, but now that it was foiled, she's more of a threat? This would make sense if it was something that provoked her that much more, but an eternal grudge shouldn't need much increasing.
With the style you're using, if something "doesn't matter" to the narrative protagonist, it should be glossed over as much as possible, unless you want to indicate they're in denial of caring about it. (I don't know if this is what you meant to do or not, so I won't dock points for it or anything, just letting you know.) You're speaking from the character's point of view, after all - if something doesn't matter to them, why are they thinking about it and/or describing it in particular?

"Feeling an uncontrollable rage, Cirno violently lashed out at the toads by the lakeside."
This sentence seems a bit redundant to me. The following ones illustrate the same thing, in a much more vivid way, and so stating it is a bit extraneous.

"“Freeze! Freeze! Freeze!” Cirno shouted, encasing dozens of toads in a cage of ice. She grit her teeth, freezing the last of the toads resting by the lakeside, before falling down on her knees. Tears flowed from her eyes as she reminisced about the events that transpired earlier. "
I do like this, though. Very nice demonstration, rather than statement, of emotion.

"Give back what you stole!"
It's hard to imagine anyone saying "give back what you stole", instead of a simple "give it back", or identifying the stolen item. I suspect you avoided the latter intentionally to not reveal the item, and I'll take a wild guess you decided against "give it back" or similar because you wanted to make sure the readers understood the theft. I'd suggest that it's unnecessary - this is Marisa we're talking about, if she's supposed to give something back, it was probably stolen - but that a better way to add the detail would perhaps be Cirno trying to defend herself to the crowd, instead trying to convince them that Marisa stole from her.

"Cirno, dazed and confused, slowly got up from the wreck she and Marisa caused and simply sighed, before walking out of the village."
Maybe describe her looking around for Marisa a little, first? In her condition it doesn't seem likely she noticed Marisa's getaway that well, and just giving up doesn't seem to fit imo.

"a high pitched tone played, alerting Reimu that the tea was ready"
This description makes me think ringtone, not teapot whistle. I think I'd switch "played" and maybe "tone" for other words, ones less associated with deliberately created music.

"Cirno followed suit and the two stared at each other for a bit."
Very plain description. I'd probably write it as something like "Reimu kept her eyes on the fairy, waiting for a response. "Is something on my face?" she finally asked, disoriented by Cirno's silent stare."

I like the dialogue showing Cirno's shyness about explaining herself, it's nice and fairly subtle.

"When Reimu agreed to train Cirno, Cirno was expecting to be Danmaku dueling her over and over and learning new spells. Instead however, the training Reimu gave Cirno consisted of daily mundane chores. Sweeping the floor, picking up trash, praying, among other things. Cirno was starting to wonder if Reimu agreed to train her because she needed a maid."
Good descriptive explanations.

"Cirno continued to do as Reimu asked for another week, before one day, she called for her name."
Hard to tell at first who's calling for who, here. My first thought was, Cirno lost patience again.

"Curious, she picked it up and looked at Cirno. She then bowed."
Again, clarify who's doing the bowing.

"“Here, I’m sorry too.” Marisa said, handing the teddy bear to Cirno. Cirno grabbed the teddy bear and snuggled it in her arms, nearly crying."
Just gotta say, d'awwww.

I like the randomly quoting at the end.

Okay, generally, I really like the concept and the execution of this story. Two overall comments - first, I think the division into "chapters" feels a little weird, and just sticking with scene breaks wouldn't feel so much like trying to indicate length that isn't there. Second, I sort of feel like (indicated) passage of time since Touhou canon could help here. Personally, imo the exact same Reimu who has so much fun exterminating youkai anytime she has an excuse seems like an odd choice to teach Cirno nonviolence. But I could easily see this being a perfect depiction of Reimu with a couple more years of maturity. (I'm not docking points for this - how people interpret characters is individual enough that it's not really judgeable - just putting my thoughts on it out there, because it is also still a thing to take into account with fanfic.)