Depression Thread

I have both things, so I'll post in both threads.

I've been depressed for officially almost 4 years now. I'm finally starting to get up from typical depressed idleness and uncertainty about the future... but setbacks like the cheating incident still affect me negatively - and strongly.

Everyone should read up on depression and autism, and learn how to cope with us properly instead of forcing us to adequate ourselves to certain standards of normalcy that aren't ours. The "you're noto a special snowflake" argument simply holds no weight - we ought to be handled in a different manner.

What makes you think I'm not doing any of it? What exactly makes you think I've been sitting on my ass for ~4 years hoping for depression to go away?

No, I'm already doing my part; you just aren;t aware of it.

Let's not make this another "Angel you just aren't understanding us/You guys just aren't understanding me" topic, perhaps? One thread's been locked, another thread's currently being discussed how Angel or whomever could improve, importing it here just further complicates matters. That all said, helping yourself through depression is certainly a team effort. Everyone has boundaries. There's no harm in cutting out the muddle man and stating comfort zones, issues, etc.

Beyond that, it's murkier.

Here are some resources.

Beyond that it varies drastically. It might be MDD or dysthymia, or others. The thing about this is that, beyond general guidelines - feelings of hopelessness, exceptional loss of appetite, increased irritability, tendency to blame one's self are all notable symptoms - it's far easier to understand stuff like I've linked and then note the shades of grey in between. Never mind how each person's depression manifests itself differently (Cream, for example, copes with shmups). Cream is different from AGN, and so forth.

I've had extremely low self-esteem and depression for years.

Touhou has always been my way to ease the pain. By getting achievements I feel this rush of positive energy and adequacy that I otherwise don't have. So I always strive for more and more achievements to get that "rush" and sense of satisfaction for the hard work I put in. I am also a heavy eater and tend to not like going outside much.

One of my favorite past times is feeling sorry for myself and shoveling myself with food. Sometimes if I'm really upset I will play music and cry during it to release the pain. (It's my way of "cutting myself" but without the blood, scars, and physical pain) It works rather well and then I can feel happy and energized again afterward.

I gotta say, having online friends (well some of them are now above the status of just "online friends" since we met in Touhoucon, we're now IRL friends who have connected on an IRL level) helps me feel better about life and such.

Doesn't help that the household I live in is what's constantly filling my sense of inadequacy, but that's another story for another day. One day I'll break free and can finally see myself in a bright light outside of my toxic lens.

I wanna be positive. I wanna think highly of myself. I wanna be able to own myself, my truths I may not like about myself, and live openly and freely in the world. But that will take time.