[Stwongest] Touhou Writing Competition- Finished

[18/08/01]
hey bby, had a gr8 tym swimmin 2day! wz especially funny wen u got pushed in2 the lake xD xD c ya sum tym dis wk! <3

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[19/08/01]
bby im feelin bad 2day, i went past my sisters room & herd her talkin shit bout me. went in & shouted @ her bt she sed she didnt no wat wz goin on???!?
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i told her i herd wot she sed, bt she kept denying she sed nethin!! it wz SO hurtful, she wz bitchin bout how i am always doin weird thins & hangin out w/ werd ppl (
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i hit sis, & nw shes cryin :/ thnk i need 2 tlk 2 someone, cn I cum round yours??

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[21/08/01]
hey bby, im scared, my cat is talking 2 me!!!!!
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hes saying mean things, dat im a bad owner, dat hed b beta off outside our hows :’( how cud he b so horrible i luv him sooo muchh!!
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i told mr scruffles dat f he dusnt lik it here he cn jst leave... & nw hes gone... T.T I feel terrible, jst need a H rght now :’’’’(
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mr scruffles came back, nw hes not sayin nething. wot did i do so wrng 2 git the slnt tretmnt?? sis is givn me shit 4 actin werd agen

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[24/08/01]
hey bby, y arent u answering my txts??? </3
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itz k, ill c u 2moro neway

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[25/08/01]
ahhh dat wz a gr8 dinr bby, i luv u so much rght nowww!!!! <3 <3 <3 xxx
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feelin a lot beta 2day, thx 4 bn ther 4 me
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stil ^ 4 swimming 2moro??

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[26/08/01]
here on my own whr r uuuu??!! </3 </3
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gess ill swim on my own............ </3
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wz gr8 fun we shud do dis wklyy!! the lak is so nis n the sumr..

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[29/08/01]
sat dwn w/ my sis & mr scruffles, had a lng cht.. dey undrstnd me beta nw bt dey ddnt say muchh
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sis is jst givn me dis werd look, & not doin nethin. shes scaring me, cn u cum roundd??
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mr scruffles walked off agen, told me i wz CRAY.. ill sho dat cat!!!
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mr scruffles came bak & i gave him a biiiigg hugg & he luvs me agen nowww <3 :’) wer u goin to cum round o not??

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[31/08/01]
hey bby we shud totally go in2 the vlage 2dayy!!!! <3 xxx
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2day wz supa strange!!!! nobody answered wen we talked 2 them!! jst sed strnge thins.. mayB evry1 zs gon CRAZY?? >.<
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c u nxt wkkkkk, im busy dis wknd... xxxx <3 <3

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[6/09/01]
hey bby, comin round urs 2day right??
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ah i luv u bby so much u hv alwys bin ther 4 me not lik my parnts or my sis or my cat bt i luv dem 2 bt not as much as i luv u!!!! if its k w/ u i wil stay round w/ u 2nite <3 <3 i wil mak us a gr8 dinr & we cn eat it 2geder & stay ^ l8 doin silly stuff
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i hope u wil alwys b w/ me bby i dnt thnk i cud mak it w/o u.. <3 xxx

---

The girl, in just a few weeks had changed beyond recognition. She bit into her food, smiled at her lover, who was sat across the table, and they both continued to say nothing. No-one was coming to save her from her long fate.

Too many years since the barrier collapsed.

The girl, in just a few weeks had red beyond recognition. She bit into her purple, smiled at her purple, who was sat across the table, and they both continued to say nothing. No-one was coming to save her from her long red.

A modest, yet elegant mansion stood just beyond a lake shrouded in mist. The savoury scent of roast wafted into the snowy surroundings. It has been many such winters since.

Beyond a lake shrouded in scarlet mist stands a castellated abbey with large double French doors of a deep red colour. This was an extensive and magnificent structure, the creation of a vampiric taste. A strong and lofty wall girdled it and a lonely graveyard in.

Imperial suites formed long straight vistas, while the folding oaken doors slide back nearly to the walls on either hand, so that the view of the whole extent is scarcely impeded. To the right and left, in the middle of each wall, a tall and narrow Gothic window looked out upon the rosy courtyard.

At the centre of the mansion was a white corridor, brightly lit with braziers of flame. At the end of the corridor stood ashen doors leading to a grand suite. Its walls closely shrouded in black velvet tapestries that hung all over the ceiling and down the walls, falling in heavy folds upon a carpet of the same material and hue. The panes here were scarlet- a deep blood colour. A rosewood throne decorated with golden ornaments stood across a pristine glass table with flowers of pink, yellow and white. Behind the throne there stood against the western wall, a gigantic clock of ebony. Its pendulum swung to and fro with a dull, heavy, monotonous clang; the minute-hand made the circuit of the face, and the hour struck, there came from the brazen lungs of the clock a sound which was clear, metallic, loud and deep. The metallic gears grinded to halt, and silence followed.

Remilia stood at the centre of the room, wind whistled through a crack in the window. The moon filled half of window, its waves of lunacy rained down upon the empress of the night. Remilia’s majestic figure basked in the blood-red rays of the moon.

‘The incident solvers should be here soon.’

Remilia paced a little, then folded her hands calmly in her skirt.

SMASH

Debris flew like daggers impaling themselves into the velvet, and the door crashed to the floor. A girl dressed in black and white stepped through, her golden hair glowed in contrast to the darkened doors and seared carpet. A single silhouette emerged from behind Marisa. A young girl, similar in stature to Remilia, with wings emitting rainbow light.

“Onee-sama!”

Remilia’s eyes widened in surprise, but then recovered as she replied, her voice monotonous.

“Flandre? What are you doing here?”

“I’m going to see her! I’m going to beat you and I’m going to go outside and see her! I’m not listening to your lies of protecting me anymore!”

“I told you to stay in your room. This is not the time for your nonsense.” Scowled Remilia as she turned her head “I suppose you’re the vermin that convinced her?”

“So you’re her elder sister? I’m Marisa Kirisame! Flandre, no, everyone should live their lives exactly as they want to!” replied Marisa indignantly.

Remilia scoffed and turned back to Flandre. “Lies? Flandre, do you even understand what you are saying?” Remilia’s voice trembled a little, then recovered. She smiled bitterly “To throw away everything I have given you because of the words of a cattle. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“I’ve behaved well for so long, so long and no one ever played with me. Do you not need me anymore? Don’t love me…anymore…?” wailed Flandre, tears welling in her eyes. “You…You replaced me with that maid didn’t you?!”

“Sakuya cannot replace anyone.”

The room fell silent once more. Remilia approached the throne and stroked the wood of its frame gently with two long, pale fingers, as she carefully plucked a flower off its stem from the vase on the glass table.

Flandre backed up a little as Remilia walked towards her. At arm’s reach Flandre flinched and closed her eyes tightly. But instead of a strike, Remilia gently pinned the flower in Flandre’s hair. A petal as red as blood fell and landed on Flandre’s outstretched forearm. A moment passed, but no words needed to be said. A tear followed, the droplet nestled gently on the groove of the petal.

“Onee-chan, I’ll fight with you!” said Flandre, then spun to face Marisa, the flower in her hair bobbing as she did so.

Remilia smiled at Flandre, “Yes. Flan, Gensokyo will be our haven!”

Marisa stared incredulously at this turn of events. “Oh dear, I have to beat two now?” she mumbled, a little dejected, “It was her own decision. Oh well, this is fine too I guess. Alright, you’re on!”

And with this, the trio took to the sky. Danmaku stretched across the crimson skyline and beyond, plummeting down upon Marisa in a barrage of sapphire, emerald, amber, ruby and amethyst.

Marisa quickly zipped out of the way, weaving through the rose bushes of the piazza, returning rainbow volleys of her own.

As Flandre paused to declare a spellcard, Marisa’s eyes lit up. “An opening! Haa!” Marisa tugged sharply on her broom and shot up like a blazing star towards Flandre, multi-coloured stars spiralled out of Marisa, each star burning with magical power. She flew face to face with Flandre, whose eyes widened in shock.

“MASTER SPAAARKKKK” shouted Marisa triumphantly

A sliver of light sliced through the air in front of her and expanded into an enormous laser. The pure, unadulterated power shook the combatants like an airborne earthquake.

Flandre fell like a bundle of rags plummeting towards the floor. But Remilia’s smile did not falter. Marisa bit her lip and wheeled around. Behind her were three Flandres. Each with the same grin, red dress and charming little courtesy.

“Kuh. Dammit” muttered Marisa as she flipped backwards readying the Hakkero for a second blast.

“Not so fast. This is it for you. Farewell, black-white” declared Remilia pompously. “Divine spear, Gungnir!!”

Marisa’s eyes eyes widened as wide and round as the full moon behind her, as she froze on the spot. The crimson-red spear with the wicked barbs of a harpoon, blazing with energy, reflected in her eyes. Moving closer and closer. Time slowed as if each millisecond was a single frame taken by a camera.

Suddenly, a firm pull on the back of Marisa’s dress, the spear grazed Marisa’s arm, its blazing heat scorching her face.

“Reimu?!” exclaimed Marisa, her singed eyebrows raising.

“Words can come later” commented Reimu, her words clipped. Sleek, black hair, her red and white outfit billowing behind her in the wind.

The pair flew, weaving gracefully through the danmaku with renewed morale.

“Orreries Solar System!” cried Marisa, and six transparent orbs fired lasers at the vampire siblings

Remilia and Flandre danced around it, once, twice and three times. Not a single laser even scratched them.

“So close, so close” sneered Remilia, a scornful smile on her face.

“Fantasy Seal” declared Reimu. Her voice loud and clear. Amulets circled around the vampires, a red and blue-tinged barrier. Barrages of lightning rained down on the battlefield, tearing bricks from the mansion walls and its white-hot intensity smashing craters into the courtyard floor. Chunks of earth were blasted up into the sky and plummeted down like a rain of arrows.

“Onee-chan did we lose?” asked Flandre, her eyes upturned towards Remilia like a child’s.

“So this is the power of the Hakurei” murmured Remilia, eyes wide with awe staring at the Danmaku tinted sky.

The barrier closed in, and battle was decided.



oOo

“Ahh, how could this be?!” said Remilia in mock frustration, her hands folded contently in her lap.

“It huuurts” whimpered Flandre, as she rubbed her bruises.

The two fearsomely strong vampires wrought the battlefield with their power and ferocity, but were defeated.

“Geez, that took a whole lot longer than I would have liked. But that puts the final nail in the coffin!” sighed Reimu, as she stood triumphantly before the vampire siblings.

“Absolutely. Vampires are all kinds of broken. Speaking as a human, you two oughta be against the rules.” Muttered Marisa discontentedly.

“Hehe…Hehehehe…” Laughed Flandre, her pupils narrowing eerily.” Did you think you’d win that easily…?”

“Wha?! You still wanna go at it?!”

“Hehehehehehehe….!!!”

“Ugh, they just don’t give up!”

Flandre stood up once again, a sadistic smile creeping upon her face. Reimu and Marisa hurriedly raised their weapons…But all of a sudden, the killing intent disappeared from Flandre.

“G-Geez, don’t frighten us like that.” Said Reimu, her voice shaking a little, “There’s no way you could have that much power remaining.”

“…Yeah, I can’t stand anymore.” Flandre then plopped to the floor, leaning against Remilia. Flandre’s eyes still staring intently at Reimu.

“In that case, the Scarlet Devil Mansion and you all now are under my control. If you have any final words, I’ll hear them.” Declared Reimu pompously.

“Wah, so proud.”

“Reimu, I appreciate your feelings…But I feel we should experience many more things together first before we reach that stage.” Said Remilia, a hand to her mouth shyly.

“What are you talking about.” Muttered Reimu irritably.

“You’re proposing to me, aren’t you?”

“Whoa! Congratulations!” said Flandre brightly

“And so, they lived happily ever after.” Grinned Marisa

“Shut UP!! Stop purposely taking my words the wrong way! You all are FINISHED! And you better do what I say, OR ELSE! That is ALL!” yelled Reimu, her face flushed as she stomped away angrily. A grinning Marisa hopped on her broom a few away after Reimu.

“So will you take her name, or will she take yours?” chirped Flandre

“…Who knows?” replied Remilia, smiling warmly at Flandre.

Remilia gently touched Flandre’s upturned hand, and opened her palm. At the centre lay a single flower petal. Remilia’s hand closed on top of Flandre’s, the petal clasped in between. Remilia leaned backwards against Flandre’s back, finally content.

"We heard you were coming, Lady Alice."

A blonde maid lightly bowed to me, greeting me before I actually reached my final destination. I smiled as I recognized her. "Ah, Yumeko, you haven't changed at all since I last you."

"On the other hand, it seems you've grown up a lot, Lady Alice." She examined me, surprised at how much I've changed. She then turned her attention to the blonde "doll" that was next to me, that was only as tall as my knee level, whom I've been tightly holding by hand. Yumeko had a curious look, but she seemed to have decided not to inquire about the "doll".

"Allow me to escort you the for the rest of the way to Lady Shinki's residence. I can carry your bag too."

I thanked her and handed over my backpack, but kept holding on to the "doll" by my side. Nozomi may be a "doll" in some sense, but she is not luggage. The three of us then walked together, with Nozomi holding my hand as she followed me. It's been so long since I've been here, in Makai.

As we walked, I noticed that Yumeko kept her head down and avoided eye contact with me. That's whan I realized, she probably still feels guilty about that time. I then turned my thoughts towards that time. Towards my last few days here in Makai before I left.

It was years ago, maybe even a decade or two. I don't remember exactly how long it's been but those events were still fresh on my mind...

---

I remember waking up on a bed. I was badly hurt all over but it seemed that my wounds were being treated.

"Lady Alice, you're finally awake..."

I turned to see the owner of that voice. It was Yumeko, sitting on the bed next to me. I figured I must have been "sleeping" for quite a while. I wouldn't be surprised if Mama ordered Yumeko to watch over me for the entire time that I lay on the bed.

"Lady Shinki was so worried about you once we realized that you were missing", explained Yumeko. "She ordered us all to search for you. We were about to lose hope until one of the invaders delivered you to us, unconscious, along with your grimoire. Lady Shinki was so overjoyed to find out you were still alive. Do you remember what happened?"

Yeah, I do remember. I knew that my actions were dangerous and irresponsible, but I couldn't just keep it a secret while everyone was worried about me.

I explained, "Well, you know about how we were all defeated by those four invaders that attacked Makai? Once I saw that Mama lost the final battle, I just... I just couldn't stand it... I wanted to punish those savages so badly... So I took my grimoire, used its power to open the gate to the Wonderland, and tried to lure one of those culprits to it. I was ready to unleash the full power of my grimoire to annihilate them."

"L-Lady Alice!" Yumeko was shocked at my explanation. "You know that Lady Shinki initially refused to allow you to even fight the invaders the first time! It was only after you insisted that you wanted to do your part in defending Makai that she gave in. And yet... even after you were defeated... you decided to try fighting them again..."

"I'm sorry..." I apologized. I curled up into a fetal position, with my back towards Yumeko, and continued, "I thought that if I used the powerful Grimoire, I would be able to crush them... I've failed my entire purpose..."

Yumeko tried to comfort me. "It's okay... They were simply too strong. None of us were able to stand a cha-"

"Not just that!" I shouted, interrupting Yumeko. "Even among all of the residents of Makai, Mama always gave me special treatment. She always tries to spend more time with me and seems to care for me more than everyone else. Isn't that purely because I'm the only one that could draw out the power of the grimoire!? How could she accept me failing even after I used the grimoire...?"

I turned to look directly at Yumeko's face, but I wasn't expecting her expression to be one of dumbfoundedness. After a few seconds, she seemed to have regained her composure and muttered, so softly that I could barely hear it: "It's not true..."

"Huh? What do you mean, Yumeko? Tell me..."

Yumeko remained silent, with a pained expression on her face. It seemed she was pondering what to tell me. After what was probably a whole minute, she seemed to have resigned herself and took a deep breath, before explaining.

"The truth is that Lady Shinki's treatment towards you is irrelevant to whether you can use the grimoire or not. You do have a special place in Lady Shinki's heart, but that's for a completely different reason." She paused a bit, as if unsure of how to proceed. I raised my head and looked directly into Yumeko's eyes. I suppose my determination to learn the truth manifested onto my face, since Yumeko decided to continue.

"Lady Alice... you're not actually Lady Shinki's daughter. She did not create you like she created the rest of Makai. You are a normal human, found abandoned near the edge of Makai when you were just a baby. Lady Shinki took you in and raised you like her own loving daughter. That's why she treated you differently from the others. You were able to use the grimoire because you were different from the rest of us, not the other way around."

"No!" I sat up at the bed, refusing to believe what I just heard. "You're lying, Yumeko!"

"It's true," Yumeko said, firmly. "I was there when Lady Shinki picked you up. I would never utter any kinds of fabrications. You know very well that I cannot betray my disposition."

I sank back down and lay on the bed. It was like my whole world turned upside down. I may have recently been defeated by those invaders twice, but none of those events could compare to how I was feeling right now. I didn't speak to Yumeko after that, and simply lay on the bed, trying to digest everything I heard.

Why did it have to be like this? As far as I can remember, my entire life has been in Makai. All the people I've interacted with (except those four invaders), all the places that I've been to, they were all part of Makai. My entire world was from the Makai that Mama created. But I myself am not actually part of this world. I don't belong here.

Mama came to meet me later, and she seemed to be really happy when she saw me. I am not her daughter. I'm not part of the world that she created. She opened her mouth and tried to talk to me but my mind couldn't register any of her words. In the end, she seemed to have given up on conversing with me and smiled.

That bright motherly smile. She would smile that way so often, a smile that made all of us feel content and secure. I remember that same smile when me, Mai, and Yuki demonstrated our progress in magic training, which Mama was really impressed with as praised us for being so dedicated. That smile when she watched me assist Yumeko in cleaning the house, after Yumeko reluctantly allowed me to do so under her direct supervision after I kept pestering her to let me help. But I'm not worthy of receiving this smile. Yumeko, Mai, Yuki, Sara, and Louise and everyone else were all Mama's children. But I'm not like any of them. I don't deserve that smile.

Even after I recovered, I continued to be plagued by all of these thoughts. I felt like a blot of ink that spilled on a beautiful painting that Mama drew. I tried to avoid Mama and everyone else while I figured out what I should do. This went on for a few days until I made my decision.

"You're leaving!?" Mama seemed really shocked as I packed up all my possessions (mostly just a bunch of dolls and the large grimoire). I told her that I didn't really belong here and that I decided to move to a world that would be more appropriate for a human like me. I don't know whether Yumeko actually reported to Mama what she had leaked to me, but Mama was still surprised that I would leave.

After I gathered all my stuff, I headed towards the front door to leave, deciding never to return here again. Right before I stepped out, Mama called out from behind me. "Alice, please! Wait!"

I stopped. I didn't look back, but I asked, "What is it, Mama?" There was an odd silence before I heard her respond, "I'm sorry, never mind. If you feel like you need to leave Makai, then I won't try to stop you. I hope your journey will let you find what you truly seek. Please take care, Alice!"

I couldn't see her face, but I guessed that she was wearing that radiant smile even in this situation. I don't know what she thought or felt at that time, but to be honest, such considerations did not even enter my mind at that moment. I simply walked away and left, leaving Pandemonium, and soon leaving the entire Makai.

---

"Welcome back, Alice!"

As I was reminiscing about the past, it seems we've already made it to our destination. And there, in front of the door, stood Mama, with her arms spread wide, and that beautiful smile on her face.

"I-I'm home, Mama!"

Besides the reply, I wasn't actually prepared for this kind of situation. But my body seems to have started moving on its own. Before I knew it, I found myself running into Mama's arms and hugging her. A sweet long hug, for a mother and child that reunited after being apart for so long.

As we separated from the hug, that's when I realized that Nozomi was no nowhere to be found. As I looked around for her, it seems Mama realized that the "doll" went missing and instructed Yumeko to look for her. She couldn't have gotten very far during this time and Yumeko would probably find her. Then Mama invited to come inside.

Apparently Yumeko already had snacks prepared beforehand. Me and Mama sat down on the floor on opposite sides of the table. I actually found this situation to be pretty awkward and wasn't sure of what to do. Mama seemed perfecly calm and content, smiling at me. After what was probably five minutes, I decided to break the silence.

"Why didn't you stop me, Mama?"

Her smile diminished slightly, but she still looked so cheerful and happy, even though this was her "serious" expression. She has always been like that. She may have been expecting me to ask this question at some point, because she spared no hesitation in answering.

"Because you have the right to make your own decision, Alice. Maybe you were right about Makai not being an appropriate place for you. Maybe I was being too selfish for wanting you to stay. And when I tried to stop you, you still referred to me as 'Mama'... Once I realized that you still perceived me as being your mother, even if only subconsciously, I dropped all resistance. I convinced myself that you'd make the proper decisions."

Indeed, even after I left Makai, I made no attempts to mentally disassociate myself from Mama. She remained as my mother in my heart. In fact, while this may sound silly, I tried to "feel" more connected to her by trying to be more like her. When faced with a difficult situation, I would think about how Mama could handle it. Prior to leaving Makai, I used to learn all sorts of different magic. But once I left, although I was still a general practitioner of magic, I began to focusing mainly on doll manipulation, because it made me feel connected to Mama, who created all of the residents of Makai.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Yumeko entered, holding Nozomi's hand, who was calmly standing next to her. "Apologies for the delay, Lady Shinki, but it seems that this doll was very determined to evade me. Surprisingly she stopped trying to resist once I firmly captured her."

I was relieved that Nozomi hadn't been able to escape. "Thank you, Yumeko. And yeah, she's like that. I can take care of her from here"

As Yumeko and Nozomi came close, I held Nozomi and gently placed her on my lap and securely wrapped my arms around her, with both me and Nozomi facing Mama. Mama's eyes seemed to be sparkling during this time. I suppose she might perceive the way I treated Nozomi as being somewhat like a protective mother. Nozomi tried to wiggle a bit, but gave up once she realized I wasn't going to let her go so easily.

"Mama, I'd like to introduce you to Nozomi. She is the valuable product of all my years of magical research on doll manipulation. Ever since I left Makai, this has been my primary research objective: to construct a completely autonomous doll with its own independent thoughts and actions. My artificial child here, Nozomi, is the first step towards that goal."

Mama seemed really impressed at this achievement. She started clapping as she spoke. "Wow, I noticed it was a special doll, with how you were holding hands with it, and on how it ran off on its own when you let go... but I didn't think it would actually be an independent doll. This is amazing, Alice! You've grown so much as a magician!"

Then I moved on to the main thing that I needed to tell Mama. "I constructed Nozomi to try to get a glimpse of how it was like for you, who lived alongside your own creation... But after spending so much time with Nozomi... that's when I realized... that's when I realized... how important I must have been for you..."

I began to cry. I struggled to get the words out, and I realized that there was no coherence whatsoever in my speech. But it seems like Mama understood exactly what I was trying to say, as she nodded in response. Nozomi may have been completely autonomous, with her own "will", but she was still a product of my design. Back when she was confined to my house, even the development of her behavior was based on her own experiences within the house, and on her innate disposition that I myself set up for her. Although I can't claim that I was able to predict all of her actions, her general behaviour still within the expected responses.

Mama understood what I was trying to say, because she experienced something similar herself. She created all of Makai, including its residents. Although these residents developed with time, these developments would only be extensions of the design that Mama created.

Mama stood up, turned around the table until she was behind my seat. Then she knelt down and hugged both me and Nozomi from behind.

"Alice, ever since that day you left... I've always wondered whether I should have told you exactly how I felt. Everything else in Makai was a creation of my desires. You were the only one that's different. And that's why you were so important to me. It was exciting for me to watch you grow. The relationships that you've developed with me and everyone else was purely based on our own interactions, and not influenced by some laws that ensured that everyone in Makai would get along. Everyone here has changed so much after you came to our world. That's why I valued you more than any of my own creations, Alice... I've never told you this before, because I figured you wouldn't understand, but it seems you were able to figure it all out by yourself. Thank you, Alice..."

"I'm so sorry, Mama!" I started shaking as I apologized. I was never a blot that corrupted her world. The blot of ink was one that spread across the whole picture, altering the hues to form unique shades across the picture. The fact that it went beyond what the artist imagined is what made it even more beautiful than the original.

But that wasn't my only purpose here. "I didn't return to Makai only to apologize and acknowledge our past relationship. I came back to return to being your daughter. You were the one that raised me, Mama, and I want to be by your side. I've already become a youkai so you don't have to worry about short human lifespans anymore."

I continued, "I'm nowhere near your level, but I'll still continue my magical research. I'll improve my creations so that we can both watch a new beautiful world of Makai develop, one where both your creations and mine can integrate with each other. Wouldn't you want to experience a world like that, Mama?"

I felt something wet fall into my hair. It seems Mama was crying too. Then she spoke out her thoughts. "For the daughter that I raised without creating, to stand by my side, and for the world of Makai to consist of both of our creations... there is no way I could not have foreseen such a wonderful future when Yumeko found you as an infant. Thank you so much, Alice..."

I leaned back so that my head was resting on Mama's chest as she held both me and Nozomi, who sat on my lap. I was finally able to reconcile with my mother, and it seems that from now on, we can continue living on as a truly happy family.

Entry No. 1: Do you speak cat?

Score: 6.5

Review: God damn I was annoyed. I was going to rate the song much higher than 6.5, but then it was swapped out last second for a well-written, but uninspiring narrative. There was nothing particularly wrong with the piece, it just didn't have any interesting or thought provoking ideas.

oOo

Entry No. 2: Acceptance

Score: 4.5

Review: It was decently written for what it was, but I feel as though it was a big bag of missed potential. The concept of Sanae's pre-Gensokyo story is obviously something interesting to explore, but it could have been better if something clever was done with the structure of the piece, such as making it Sanae's diary. With work, this could be good.

oOo

Entry No. 3: Forgotten by the World Below

Score: 4

Review: My main gripe with this piece is that there is too much description of the same thing, and not enough plot. There's effectively two points of interest: they are underground and Koishi isn't noticed. About midway through the piece, it feels as though these points have been made and we are ready to move onto the next part of the story but it flounders about the same thing until the end. Some more development of the story would make this a better piece (in addition to some spelling and grammar checking - double check with a native speaker if you have to as Word or Googledocs doesn't pick up everything)

oOo

Entry No. 4: The Fearful Ghost

Score: 5.5

Review: A nice story, and a fairly clever way of using the theme (i.e. the words were written rather than spoken). Youmu's loss of Youki, however, felt pretty underwhelming. This was her mentor, and her father, and pretty much her life was turned upside down. Crying in the foetal position was not nearly a strong enough reaction for someone like Youmu (who isn't really known to be a crybaby!) There could have also been some more explanation as to Youki's disappearance - it seemed odd that Youmu merely reminisced after he went away, rather than investigate. The ending was not the best, considering that Youmu has spent literally all the time since Youki disappeared thinking about him - there is no way that Yuyuko would be able to just make her job (or life) better. It's a fairly decent story overall, I just think it needs a bit of work on the plot points and maybe some expansion of the circumstances regarding Youki's disappearance.

oOo

Entry No. 5: Magical Fool

Score: 4

Review: The story is fine, and I liked the use of the theme. It was clear and concise, but then ultimately this piece's downfall is that it is too concise. A lot happened in just a couple hundred words which would have been far more engaging if expanded upon into a much longer story. More description of the setting, the characters, the progression of events rather than just a short account of what happened will make this far far better. In fact it felt like I was reading notes of what happened in a much longer story, rather than a story itself.

oOo

Entry No. 6: Seventh Text

Score: 5

Review: I'm fairly conflicted over this piece. Other than the fact that the text speak obfuscates any use of literary devices, the answer to any mystery (if there is even an answer) is not discoverable from the piece alone. It's all far too vague, and most of it can be interpreted in far too many ways. On the other hand, however, the use of text speak in the first place is interesting and it's not badly written. Quite a bit of thought was clearly put into this piece (ignoring the ongoing messages regarding the mystery) but perhaps a little more thought would have done some good in making this a better mystery.

oOo

Entry No. 7: Witch's Love

Score: 3.5

Review: I read this in combination with the music that the lyrics were taken from, playing the music whenever I got to a lyric section and stopping it when it went back to the storytelling. Something I noticed was that the story was actually an almost exact retelling of what was happening in the music video, just with Patchouli as the main character rather than whoever it was in the video. It felt pretty unoriginal after I realised this, sadly. What really let the piece down, though, was the spelling and grammar, some parts were difficult to read and what should have been a serious sad story just left me feeling indifferent because I was concentrating far too much on figuring out what the text actually said rather than understanding what it said. If you need help with spelling and grammar, there are plenty of people here with more than enough experience and expertise in the language to improve your writing in English.

oOo

Entry No. 8: Understanding

Score: 6.5

Review: I have no idea whether the reference was intentional or not, but it was just like a Memories of Phantasm episode. What was most disappointing about the work was how important plot developments were somewhat glossed over. Sure, I can accept that Reimu is more powerful than Marisa. But Reimu finishing Remilia and Flandre in one shot (bearing in mind up until this point they have had no damage) seemed a bit rushed. Then they were defeated and pretty much immediately were on friendly terms without any sort of bridge between the two sections? On the other hand, the banter at the end felt very Touhou to me, which was great! The overall piece was actually quite light-hearted, but in doing so it avoided having any deeper meaning, which let it down a bit.

oOo

Entry No. 9: Mute Bird

Score: 4

Review: It was a great start, I thought! It is just unfinished. The use of the theme was funny and clever. Maybe finish it some other time, because I'd read something like this! (also exaggerated was spelled wrong which annoyed me slightly but not that much )

oOo

Entry No. 10: Reunion

Score: 5.5

Review: This wasn't a bad piece, although I understood the point being made about 3/4 through (and I can't stand soppy stuff ) so the rest of the story was a bit painful to read. I'll be honest, I was somewhat irked that no mention was made to Mima making Alice her maid after the MS Extra, especially since there was heavy reference to all 4 characters having participated in MS' adventure. One of the better uses of the theme this round, and the moral was nice however the ending was sappy and disappointing as well as the piece feeling overall a bit too long.

Score: 7.5

Review: A dark story from which the ending was already defined. I really enjoy these kinds of stories that use certain cannon facts as their base (ex: how Byakuren met Murasa, origin stories, etc.) A nice feel throughout it, not too long, not too short. I feel you could have expanded a little upon the feelings of the characters though, the ending was pretty good though. All in all a good story.

Score: 8.5

Review:Really nice atmosphere, (reminds me a bit of my elementary years in a way) You really developed on the feelings of your character,nicely done. Descriptions are also pretty nice. Although i seemed short it felt just the right size for this kind of story, I didn't got tired of it at all. The ending found hope and empathy, pretty nice stuff, was expecting a bit of dialogue though.

Score:6.5

Review: It's not a bad story, but you took the obvious route for this round. Your strong point was definitely how you displayed the feelings of your characters. But the plot was too obvious for this theme. The ending was also expected, but it was well performed.

Score:9.5

Review:I don't really care about Youmu, but you sire have made actually empathize with her, so props on that. The story was well written, the characters felt right, the atmosphere you set up was fantastic, i also love how you displayed Youmu's feelings about her father (grandpa) and the mystery surrounding him.
The only place that felt awkward in this story was the Bunbumaru part, which although it set up a nice ending, it also ruined the mood of the story a bit imo.

Score:6

Review:  This was an... interesting piece. A bit too short, and I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a ship of some kind, but regardless, it was well narrated I think. Characterization was okay, a couple of logic flaws here and there but that's just me.

Score: 4.5

Review: A true mystery, I don't really get it, but based on certain lines I'm gonna assume it's Yakumo related at the very least. It's very circumstantial guess but you're not giving me enough o work something out for certain.

Score:7

Review: A GoT vibe, kinda, that's what I got from these story. And interesting take on how Patchouli. You could have organized the story to know when it changed its time, made it a little too confusing. Also noticed some grammatical errors which didn't allow me to understand the story. Represented Patchouli in an interesting manner, but got the feelings across for the most part.

Score:8.5

Review:It was a pretty cool story, but it doesn't bring anything new to the table, fantastic descriptions, fantastic dialogues, all the good stuff. I can't really complain about anything I guess. Well maybe of the flow of the story, which advanced a little too fast and the abrupt beginning but those are just preferences.

Score:6.5

Review:This story showed great potential, starting of with an interesting concept that I never expected. Then as I was following it, it turned around and slapped my new expectations away in the end. It felt too short to be perfectly honest, and it barely created a feel for the characters.

Score:10

Review: Heart-warming to say the least, a beautiful entry, which was based on a totally original idea. I really loved that one theme drop you made by the way, that's one thing I do appreciate. That story was clear, and masterfully presented. I felt as though this was something the characters would actually do, hell if I didn't know this was a fanfic I could've mistaken it for canon it was that good. The atmosphere evolves as the story goes on and ends with a flourish, If i were to compare this to a a food it'd be the nostalgic taste of homemade picadillo my grandma used to make.

Story: As the topic this time is unspoken words, it does not surprise me that there would be entries about the Komeji siblings. There is nothing wrong about being predictable, but rather it is the presentation of the topic that matters. As expected this story outlines the difficulties in the life of a being that can read minds. The course of events by themselves did not really surprise me, however the story does fit the topic in question very well. The story was concluded, however, which is also a plus.
            Score: 6/10

Characters: This was one of the strong points of this entry. While there was not a lot of writing for us to become attached to, or feel the character’s emotions in their full power, it does give enough information to successfully speculate the character’s personality and background.
            Score: 7/10

Writing: I found this to be a weakness in this entry. This entry did have quite good pacing, however at times it felt rather detached. As if this was a film being watched, as opposed be being in the character’s perspectives.

I also found that the “hiccupping” while Koishi is crying to be a little mood breaking, it reminded me more of a drunk person, than a sad person.

I do understand that the detachedness is very Komeji-like. But it took away too much emotion for me to fully enjoy. I feel if you elaborated on the scenes this piece can shine more.
            Score: 5/10

Enjoyment: It was a completed story from start to finish. The detachedness that I felt did take away from my own personal enjoyment, however.
            Score: 5/10

Story: A story about Sanae, I did not see this coming. Or perhaps I did, considering the list of writers. From the concept of this, it had a lot of potential. Although it never was explained why Sanae was bullied in the first place and the ending does not seem to have much power in it. I feel if this was rewritten to include Sanae’s moving to Gensokyo, this could become quite the masterpiece. However as it is now, it wasted much of its potential.
            Score: 5/10 (if you did fulfil all the potential of this topic, I predict I would give you a 10/10, just saying.)

Characters: Due to the lack of elaboration in the conclusion and the lack of internal monologue, it was a little difficult to understand exactly how Sanae felt about this. Internal monologue would be been used to great effect, you certainly have the passion and the writing skills to do it. Again, it was wasted potential.
            Score: 5/10

Writing: I thought this to be one of this entry’s strengths. To me the whole entry flowed well, descriptions were sharp and vivid. Very well written in my book. You can work on symbolism and the like, although for a fanfic, that isn’t crucial.
            Score: 9/10

Enjoyment: I did enjoy the first half. However the conclusion lacked impact, and the wasted potential really got to me. It did not bore me however, which is always a plus. Please rewrite it someday, I would absolutely love to read it.
            Score: 6/10

Story: As expected, there was another Komeji entry. Again, nothing wrong with that, as long as you pull it off correctly. This time, it is after Koishi’s eye was sealed. Still nothing too surprising, although it is still a good topic. Nothing much happens though. The ending is also quite unfulfilling, though it was the point.
            Score: 5/10

Characters: Not much here. It would have been interesting to see why Koishi was distressed, since canonically she does not feel emotions as she functions entirely on the subconscious.
            Score: 3/10

Writing: You seem to state things instead of showing them. Much like your previous entries, you can look to the judges’ reviews on those for advice. Although there were no particularily jarring moments, so there isn’t anything really wrong with it, it could just be polished more.
            Score: 4/10

Enjoyment: I didn’t really enjoy it lacked events, it also lacked time to become attached to Koishi and empathise with her. Elaborate more, this is a topic with much potential.
            Score: 4/10

Story: Youmu losing her father. Then being consoled by Yuyuko. Hm. It does have its potential in tragedy with a fluffy ending. As long as you do it right. This is a piece that relies on emotion. Nothing wrong with that, but due to the writing I did feel a little unfulfilled. It did end though, that’s a plus.
            Score: 6/10

Characters: I felt the characterisation of Youmu is good here. The writing makes it a little hard to appreciate this fully, but in essence this was done well.
            Score: 7/10

Writing: This is one of this entry’s weaknesses. To me, it felt detached and the emotions didn’t quite reach me. Perhaps this is because things are told instead of shown. Some emotional scenes can also have been elaborated on.
            Score: 4/10

Enjoyment: The detachedness prevented me from fully enjoying this piece. The concept and the concept of the ending was good though. Work on you writing skills in terms of showing instead of telling, and this piece can really shine.
            Score: 5/10

Story: Concept- good. This could be made into quite a nice story if only you elaborated more. But as much I am annoyed at the wasted potential, I’ll have to reward marks for being a story I would like to read, but can’t since there aren’t any events here just stated like some book synopsis. I feel like the connection with the theme is a bit weak, however.
            Score: 4/10

Characters: Lack of length led to a lack of characterisation. There weren’t many emotions I could sense either.
            Score: 3/10

Writing: This brilliant! As a synopsis.
            Score: 3/10

Enjoyment: Please rewrite this so I don’t feel like I just missed out on a very interesting story.
            Score: 2/10

Story: I never managed to properly figure this out in the time it is supposed to take for a fanfic to make sense. Not a good thing for a fanfic. As a riddle this was also sub-par since even with a whole team, no one managed to figure out the correct answer. I will give a mark for the entry being intriguing enough for me to actually want to figure it out.
            Score: 3/10

Characters: Since no one can figure it out, no character development could be figured out. Although the person in the entry’s way of speaking etc did made me speculate enough for me to think it is an insane Maribel. Its interesting, but as no one could figure it out, interesting was all it is in terms of a fanfic entry.
            Score: 3/10

Writing: Text form. Worked well as a riddle, or so I want to say. But no one figured it out even after this clue, so it didn’t work too well. Text form is also a poor choice as it accomplishes very little of anything other than being a pain to read.
            Score: 3/10

Enjoyment: I couldn’t figure it out, so I’m unhappy.
            Score: 3/10

Story: Patchouli telling a story. With the story being completely sourced from a music video. I don’t have anything against adaptions. But is there anything here that is /more/ than an adaption? Sorry, but I can’t see it. As such story-wise it would only be fair to give it a mediocre score since some other people actually took the energy to make something original about their entries. Nice concept though, songfic. But does it do anything more than that? Not really. Got some plot holes lying around too, like the random hair cutting.

            Score: 4/10

Characters: Nice and emotional. It is an interesting take on Patchy’s past, even if the only basis is that Patchy happens to be a witch. It shines in that it can raise speculation as to why Patchy acts as she does today.

            Score: 6/10

Writing: I felt some parts were quite strange. First of all, enjoying tragedies is not indicative of mental disorder. Somehow fainting from oxygen deprivation is also seen as strange in the story, which is strange. Proof reading can also be used to iron out some of these. You also seem to tell the story rather than show it as well. In an emotional scene like this metaphors can also be used. Other than that, I did like the olden day speech.

            Score: 4/10

Enjoyment: It is annoying that there wasn’t anything more here than a touhou adaption of the music video. I did lie the interesting take on Patchy’s past.

            Score: 6/10

Story: A continuation of Roses Die. Since there was a graveyard in the SDM (not reference in lore), Flandre wants to see a certain "her" and the first paragraph being quoted directly out of roses die. I like continuations, as long as they bring something to the table. This entry also bears a resemblance to Memories of Phantasm's fourth episode. Although a portion of the plot was borrowed from there. But as the link to Roses Die and Prim as the petal is unspoken, it is a acceptable story. This entry centers on the changes in the dynamic between Flandre and Remilia though time. Just like how it's predecessor aimed to show what life was like before and after a disaster.
            Score: 7/10        

Characters: Most notably here is Flandre's character development. At the end, Flandre still had the power to continue fighting and recklessly go on a massacre, she opted not to. This shows her maturing after she realizes what happened to Prim. Thus earing Remi's trust and not having to be sealed up anymore. Likewise Remilia's lonely world of the castle and her demeanor changes at the ending into a more mischievous and lighthearted Remilia, once she realizes has grown up and no longer needs her protection. 
            Score: 7/10

Writing: Decent, although it feels detached and there isn't emotion through the piece. Granted, emotion was not the point, but nevertheless, it could be improved upon. Flandre's turnaround is also quite jarring, if you didn't understand the Prim symbolism. The symbolism was a double edged blade in this case. If you understood it, the entry is pretty cool. If you didn't the entry didn't mean jack shit. 
The action scene can also be improved upon, such as it's magnitude on the surroundings and people involved. The change in mood is also quite jarring, even though it was the point.
            Score: 6/10

Enjoyment: Character bias.
            Score: 7/10

Story: I like this take on unspoken words. Finally a lighthearted entry! Though I shouldn't get too carried away with that, or I'll be too biased. Hm, while the concept was good, and I could imagine it turning into an anime episode, it is lacking in the development area. Try to elaborate more, write more. An anime styled band episode starring touhou characters sounds interesting to me at least. Again, unfulfilled potential. If you can pull this off, please show me, it would be a fun read. Though I will say, as it is, its a pretty amusing entry.
            Score: 6/10

Characters: Well, this criteria is quite mean to this entry. I'll just grade it on how well it characterizes despite being a "just for fun" styled story. The aura of the story is nice and lighthearted.
            Score: 5/10

Writing: You could do with a bit more proofreading, but your writing style complements the style of this entry well. Good enough for me. 
            Score: 5/10

Enjoyment: I'm a little biased because of how nice this feels as a change of pace. But it was a fun entry. Its just good at what it does. Just not quite a story though.
            Score: 8/10

Story: A story of Alice going back to Makai, interesting. I like this concept. Its quite flexible too, and a lot of things indeed happened in this entry, all of which by concept are interesting developments. It is a little easy to predict, however.
            Score: 7/10

Characters: Characterization! Family relationships must be this writer's forte, since its brilliant. If only this entry was polished up a bit more. But for this criteria, this entries shines.
            Score: 8/10

Writing: For a fic as emotional as this, with these revelations such as Alice not actually being Shinki's daughter etc, you would expect there to be more movement. When the situation is tense, thoughts didn't usually go to "I suppose my determination to learn the truth manifested onto my face" and with first person those thoughts are quite impersonal. When using a first person perspective you should capitalize on first person's ability to influence the reader's emotions. To me it feels a little detached since its just lots and lots of dialogue and things happening really fast. 
            Score: 6/10

Enjoyment: What did I like about this? Hm. I suppose its just how heartwarming it can be, although a little /too/ sweet. The huge amounts of dialogue and not enough moving did get to me though. Too much is stated as well, such as the last line, which did take away impact.
            Score: 5/10

Story: Backstory on some of the cast of Ten Desires, fun times. I don't know the TD cast too well, so I am not sure if I can judge this fairly. In any case, to me the sequence of events in the story has a lot of potential. You could have had psychological/debate writing, you could have had super emotional scenes and you could have plot-twists had you made this into some kind of book. What makes this story better than some in the non-late entries is that you, like Reunion, managed to execute it fulfilling enough for me to not be frustrated when I finish reading it. 
            Overall: 7.5/10

Characters: The characterization of Futo is good here, I thought. You demonstrated her changing viewpoints etc quite well. I think it can be improved if you also gave some backstory, such as why Futo and Seiga are at odds with Tojiko (even if it IS presumed knowledge). 
            Overall: 7/10


Writing: I felt like you stated things a lot. It would be better if you showed things such as a description of worry, instead of "worrying swallowing me whole".
Also, spelling errors and the like can be corrected by proof reading closely. For example "pseat".
You can also go through your writing and root out meaningless likes like "and were seated at their own respective places". Don't mention something unless you want to do something with it. If you have too many meaningless lines, you can wear out the audience, leading them to go into auto-read mode and miss actually important things.

I did like your dialogue, it felt like it really had emotion in it. The last sentence in particular I felt was powerful.

Also people sure smile a lot, huh.
            Overall: 5/10


Enjoyment: I got a little bored at the start, personally I found that the intro lacked a bit of oomph. I have a feeling that if this was written in third person, it would be easier. On the other hand, if you're using first person you might want to lean towards psychological writing, such as guessing that others are thinking and formulating comebacks etc. Also personally I would like a better explanation as to why Seiga can read Futo so well, since "Seiga is smart" doesn't quite cut it for me, personally.
            Overall: 6/10